A guest post

I was asked to share my feelings on fatherhood and adoption and all the stuff that goes with it at americaadopts.com.

I'm pretty pleased with the result, and frankly, I'm pretty tickled to have this post put up just before Father's Day.

http://www.americaadopts.com/archives/11446

Thanks for reading my stuff.  That's why I write it, so that others can read it.

:)

Going Home

There is no greater comfort in life than going home.

Don't get me wrong, I love where I live (well, except the weather) and I love the family I've built here.  I have an amazing wife, and 3 glorious children.

But, I've come to realize how powerful going home can be.

Disposable Fatherhood

I've been thinking a lot about fatherhood these days.  I've been culling a lot of information about fathers lately; absent fathers; disposable fathers.  They seem to be everywhere in front of me lately, and I have something to say about it.

I was one of them.  A disposable father.  Cut off from my children, until I was able to meet someone who wanted to build a family with me.  And let me tell you something, what we do to fathers in our society can be deplorable.

Forgiveness: Letting go of Anger and Hurt.

I know it's been almost a month since I last posted.  Please forgive me.

Actually, I've had some very deep thoughts lately on forgiveness, what it means, why we should do it, and why it's so powerful.  I saw on the local news the other day a story about The Forgiveness Project and it got me to thinking.  "What is forgiveness really?" It's a very complex thing, and it shouldn't be summarized in one posting.  But, I'm going to try.

Forgiveness can be one of the most powerful things you can do for another person, and for yourself.  And since it's Easter Sunday, it seemed appropriate to talk about forgiveness today.  I woke up this morning thinking about it.  There is a reason the story of Easter is about forgiveness and rebirth.  Because that's what forgiving somebody or yourself is all about; rebirth.  Starting over with a clear conscience, an open heart, and a certain mental calmness that allows us to be the best we can be.

The way to a man's heart.

Is not through his stomach.

Want to get an old fart like me in your corner forever?  Stroke the ego.  Make me feel like I have valuable life experiences you want to benefit from.

Got an email this week from a young lady who is as close to family without sharing a last name as someone can get.  She's graduating from University soon, and would prefer to work in a field where I might have some 3rd party contacts.  So, she asked if I could pass along her resume to a friend of a friend of a friend.  One look at her resume, and I asked if I could help her fix it up a little.

"YES!  PLEASE!"

Thin Threads of Life

I believe in God.  Whoa...wait.  Where are you going?  Hang on a second and hear me out.  It's not a casual belief, but I'm not into proselytizing either.  Relax.  So, do me a favour, if somehow my belief in God makes you uncomfortable or defensive, then I want you to substitute the word God in the rest of this post with the word 'Life'.

I believe in life.

See? not so hard.

So, why do I bring this up?  I'm 41.  I still have a long way to go, but I can also look back a fair ways and see how God has guided me through things.  And it's kind of amazing really.  When I look back and see how one insignificant decision or event led to another insignificant event, which then snowballed into a greater life story.  And I firmly believe everyone has these threads in their lives that join events into bigger things.  This is how I see God moving in my world.

Honesty

Sometimes we talk about honesty and what it means to be honest.  Obviously, we should not lie or tell stories.  That's a given.  But, we need to learn how to honest with ourselves as well.  That is the flipside we often give lip service to.

I'm not talking about those little white lies we tell to spare someone's feelings.  Obviously, those can be hurtful too.  What I want to talk about is the need to be brutally honest with ourselves.

In times of retrospect, you have to break down your real feelings about something.  Most often, the first reaction or thought is a surface or knee jerk reaction to something.  We must strive to think deeper and break those initial emotions down.

Calgary drivers...you suck.

I'm just throwing that out there.  You guys really do suck at driving.  Me?  I'm perfect, but that's beside the point.

I am a fast driver.  Not overly aggressive, but I do speed.  But, I also have 180° vision when I drive.  I look ahead to see if people are merging on the right, or a left turn lane is coming up.  You all seem to think the world of driving ends at your hood ornament.  Especially you Mercedes drivers.  Hint: That thing at the end of your hood is actually a stylized propeller, not a crosshair to focus your attention the rear license plate of the guy in front of you.

How the Stanley Cup Finals Can Ruin Your Franchise.

Or, meet the Calgary Flames.

Fun Flames fact.  Since they won the Stanley Cup in 1989, the franchise has won exactly 3 playoff series, and all those were in the same year.  That's right.  Since 1989, the Flames have been bounced from the Cup playoffs in the first round in every year they qualified, except 2004.

Ahh....2004.  The Red Mile. Bare breasted women.  Lots of beer and debauchery.  And that was before Stampede.  The Calgary Flames notched 3 improbable series wins, and were just one OT goal away from winning the Stanley Cup.

It really was an improbable run.  2004 was the first time in SEVEN seasons the Flames made the playoffs.  They were not expected to go far.  (As a shout out to Leafers, the Blue and White beat the Senators AGAIN this playoff year.)  Ahem.  Sorry about that.

Anyways, The Flames beat the Canucks in 7 games, the Red Wings in 6, and then the Sharks in 6.  Then they lost to the Lightning in 7.

But something strange happened.  Despite having a pretty weak roster.  Despite having a goalie who clearly played above all expectations.  Despite not having a playoff run at all in the previous 7 years.  Somehow, inexplicably, the Calgary Flames all of a sudden thought they were One Player Away from being a serious Cup contender.

Attawapiskat

It's been a little cold here in Calgary this week.  We've been dealing with -40 temperatures at night, and more to come before it warms up on Sunday or so.

This kind of cold is mostly a frustration. Everything moves slower.  Cars don't start.  Stuff breaks.  Heating bills go up.  We bundle up and deal with it.  But, we stay warm.

Every year, when we get a cold snap, the local news always features a story about how the homeless are coping.  I'm proud to live in a country that has so many shelters and organizations dedicated to helping the less fortunate.  Even if a homeless person has to huddle in the corner of a shelter for the night, at least they're warm and safe from freezing to death.

It's also -30 in Attawapiskat, Ontario this week.  Attawapiskat is a Cree First Nation reserve in Northern Ontario.  It's very remote really.  Excruciatingly remote.  Nestled up against James Bay, on the Attawapiskat River, there are no roads into town.  There is an airstrip, which the almost 2,000 residents of the reserve rely on as a lifeline of supplies.

I've been thinking a lot about the people of Attawapiskat this week.  This is the reserve who declared a State of Emergency back in October due to the coming winter and a lack of proper housing.  This declaration launched a firestorm of blame in the Canadian Parliament the following month. Yes, somehow it took an entire month for the news to travel to the outside world.  Anyways, it seems everyone wanted to know where the $90 million of federal funds provided to the reserve over the past 5 years went to.  It seemed quite obvious to the chest pounders in Parliament that the Reserve or Ministry of Aboriginal Affairs squandered the money on shiny baubles and forgot to spend it on the people. This argument over who was to blame went on for weeks.

God doesn't care who wins football games.

So, that dastardly Tim Tebow struck again last week and bounced my beloved Steelers from the NFL playoffs.  Well, dastardly is certainly the nicest thing he's been called in this house since then.

Anyways, with the thrilling overtime win, the internet was literally ablaze with Tebow-mania.  Tim Tebow set some kind of Twitter Tweet record that I never thought anybody would ever keep track of in the first place.  By far, the most interesting discussion around Tebow this year is not the fact he throws like a girl heaving a toaster, or the fact that the Option Offense is supposedly not a pro offense, or even the ridiculous ways he wins football games. Nope, the most discussed topic surrounding Tim Tebow is his faith.  Or rather, his public display of faith.

Don't do drugs.

I'm on day 3 of quitting smoking. I hope I'm modeling some positive behaviour for my kids. Because, if it weren't for that thought, I really wouldn't bother. This has some agonizing moments. The physiological reaction in my body is, well, ridiculous. 

The headaches, the chills, the breathing heavy, the constant incessant craving.

Nicotine withdrawal, as I am learning, is an ass kicker. And the withdrawal attacks your body in different ways, looking for a chink in your armour. Maybe, if it does something different today, you'll cave in an start smoking.

Day one was the insane craving. No, make that intense.  As if a fat kid was sitting on my chest and all I wanted to do was breathe. Ever crave breathing? That's what this is like.

Day two was the fidget day. I could not sit still. I now think I know how my ADHD son feels. I had to constantly move something. I could not relax.

Today was the light headedness and chills. I was freezing. And no way to warm up.

Look kids, Nicotine is a fairly innocuous addiction. It's not heroin or cocaine. There's some similarities though.  And frankly, trying to quit this addiction is proof enough for me that drugs are bad. Seriously. If the effects of Nicotine withdrawal are this bad, I can't imagine having to go through real detox of hard drugs.

This new thing

So, I have a blog.  Big deal.  So does everyone else.

Well, it is kind of a big deal to me.  That's because deep down, way down in that suppressed "used-to-do-this-for-a-living" place, I am a writer at heart.  Though it's been a very long time since I've written anything that might be read by anybody else.  So, pardon the rust.  This is going to look clunky for a while.

But, I wanted a place to spew my thoughts.  Not a diary.  A place for carefully constructed thoughts about a variety of subjects.  Stuff I want to shout from the rooftops, but others would think I'm a little nuts for doing so.  Sorry in advance.  This is going to be a mixed bag of stuff.  From sports to politics to societal issues to adoption issues and even parenting.  I've got a wide variety of interests.  So it only seems fair I share them.

I won't have a set schedule for now, and a lot of this will be off the cuff.  But that's okay.  It helps me think things through.

If you're reading this very poor introduction, thank you.  Please check out some of the rest.

Cheers,
Shane